I must admit to a certain amo­unt of skep­ti­cism, when I first heard about your church – after all, there are a lot of cra­ck­pot reli­gions out there! But then I began to read your pamp­hlet, and a strange fee­ling came over me that this was what I had been look­ing for all my life!

I think per­haps that it was the sud­den rea­liza­tion that howe­ver unworthy I may be, the Flying Spa­ghetti Mon­ster loves me! At the same time a lot of things became clear to me.

All the intri­cate wor­kings of the uni­verse and my place in it – it sud­denly made sense! And I remem­be­red somet­hing that Ein­stein once said, even though I can’t remem­ber exa­ctly what it was.

But then I came to the part where you say that you’re oppo­sed to dogma. How can you have a reli­gion wit­hout dogma?

How can you be right, if others aren’t wrong, or a good per­son, if others aren’t bad? I’ve always con­si­de­red myself a good, loving person.

I really hate bad people! Don’t you?

To think that you can be so obsti­na­tely wicked that you reject the Flying Spa­ghetti Mon­ster Our Savior. Such people have for­fei­ted the right to the life that He gave them, if you ask me.

I fully agree with you that we should try to be tole­rant. But these people aren’t tolerant!

When I tell them about the Flying Spa­ghetti Mon­ster and the deep fee­lings I have for Him, they just laugh. Don’t you think that we should respect other people’s feelings?

These people are evil. They tell me that there’s no proof that the Flying Spa­ghetti Mon­ster even exists.

But nor is there any proof that He doesn’t, is there? That always shuts them up!

I would like my chil­dren to learn about the Flying Spa­ghetti Mon­ster in school so that they may form their own opi­nion. Is that really too much to ask?

It’s all well and good to be tole­rant, but just look what all that tole­rance has led to! Do you really think there would be so much crime and drug abuse, if chil­dren had been taught about the Flying Spa­ghetti Mon­ster at an early age?

And then it sud­denly struck me. Are these people really serious about their faith?

Or have they been sedu­ced by the Gro­un­ded Spa­ghetti Mon­ster? Funny, I don’t think you even men­tio­ned him.

Haven’t you rea­lized what is going to hap­pen to you, if your belief in the Flying Spa­ghetti Mon­ster isn’t strong enough? Have you ever had cold spaghetti?

Well, what do you think it will be like to spend eter­nity in an enor­mous bowl of the slimy stuff? Maybe you should think about that before it’s too late!

But then again, maybe it’s alre­ady too late for you. I really thought a lot about this, and in the end I asked the Flying Spa­ghetti Mon­ster for guidance.

And lo, the hea­vens ope­ned like a bottle of ket­chup, and a voice came to me, saying: “Fear not, my son, for thou hast been cho­sen to found Ye True Church of Ye Flying Spa­ghetti Mon­ster!” And so I did, and my first offi­cial act will be to excom­mu­ni­cate all you nonbelievers.

Just look at that logo of yours! Don’t you know that the Flying Spa­ghetti Mon­ster has expres­sly for­bid­den “any gra­ven image or logo” of his inef­fable majesty?

Bla­sp­he­mers! Cur­sed and hacked be your com­pu­ter site and all the blogs thereon!

Sig­ned Erwin Neutzsky-Wulff,

Holy Fat­her of the True Church of the Flying Spa­ghetti Monster,


Please note: If you should wish to repent, there is a small entrance fee of 300 dol­lars to cover pos­tage and handling.

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Erwin Neutzsky-Wulff karak­te­ri­se­res oftest som Dan­marks ene­ste eller bed­ste bud på en kult­for­fat­ter. Det for­ly­der dog, at der også er andre dan­ske for­fat­tere, der bli­ver taget alvorligt.

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